My heart has never had a faster rhythm. As I stood there, too scared to move. My heart pounding, my feet too scared to move.
I was surrounded by chaos. A terrified mother hitting her husband and shouting “what’s wrong?”. It all happened too quickly. One minute I was beside this man, smiling like I had been given an award. After all, a first day at university felt that way.
I had butterflies, the kind that took extra care not to begin jumping. Suddenly, there was no movement. He was not moving. A man had shouted “what’s wrong with this daddy?”. How could I have been standing near a dying man. A dying blood and did not know. My father was going and I did not know?
I could not breathe. How do I explain that I lost my father the same day I got to university? How do I articulate that we had all been gisting when my father stopped moving? No warning? No last words? No hug? He drove me all the way down here to die in a cyber cafe?
My feet wouldn’t move nor will tears fall. I stood there by a corner, heart beating fast, feet grounded. My sisters stood watching and the water works had started. As they pulled him into the car, I felt life leave me.
He would not wait till I could send him on multiple vacations? Till I could work with him? That was the first time I had ever seen my mother’s fear show on her face. As she held that man, got into the car as others helped lift him. I saw fear.
She’s usually more grounded. For someone whose child was always in the hospital, often times on emergency. But today, she broke. We all did. That such a strong person could be rendered powerless in that minute. In the span of 3 minutes, my life had changed drastically.
I could feel it. Body thrown on bodies. Humans identifying which was their loved ones. The sad songs, sad words, sand on a beloved. No more to be seen.
I type this with my heart beating fast again. The way it beats when I recall the fear and tension in the air that evening. The way it beats when I think of the fact that I’d have struggled twice as hard as I already did. That malaria almost took the person I loved the most. I respect death. I’ve learnt not to fear it but when it comes to my family, I will always fear death.
Six years ago, I almost lost my dad. It’s an emotion I can never forget. Today is his birthday and I still cannot imagine life without him.
Life is a near-death experience.-George Carlin
