Ghosting: /ˈɡəʊstɪŋ/
The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.
TJ. You’d rather call him Tijani because the moment you get to the point of saying Tj, he’s going to give you trash for it. Someone play me Hrs & Hrs by muni long.
Tj, let’s play. Let’s talk, hold hands and mock others. Tongue out, hands intertwined, no clothes, lights off. Ok, now let’s make sounds. The one others would rather die than have to listen to. I’d thrust upwards from pleasure and you’d tease me about my cravings all day. “It’s all in the body movement, I swear” you’d say while I laugh.
Sorry. Tj, just pick your phone. Reply my texts. Fuck the games that made us sweat while the air conditioner was whining 16 degrees. Fuck the nudes sent on my Snapchat and the dirty texts that followed. I’m sorry, I went off again. You have that effect on me. I start a thought and suddenly I lose focus.
Tj, reply my texts? How on earth did we go from talking through nights and imagining the days ahead to not saying a word. One week? Two weeks? Damn! It’s been a month.
Today, I’m in my pajamas. On my bed, clutching my pringles and laughing at my screen. I hear my phone, I see the screen. As I swerve to throw the phone, I see it! It says; Tj.
Now, I’m mad. You say hey? Hey??!!! HEY?!! The fucking audacity embodied in that gender. How do you ghost me for a month and slide into my dms with an hey. Not a paragraph housing an apology or explanation but an hey?
I swear I don’t feel. I barely do. Concrete heart, Gen z baddie and certainly no time for emotions but when it comes to Tijani, pour me ice.
They say betrayal hurts your soul. Wait till you see how easily discarded you are to the ones you never thought you could discard. The thing is Man up! Tell me “I have stuff going on and will need time away from you”. Tell me “you are cheap and I’m upgrading” damn! Tell me “I used to like you” but damn you if you ghost me.
Discarded without a word. No looking back, no parting words, no bad endings and no respect for the “friendship” we shared?
The days that followed my unanswered texts. Disbelief, denial. Run me those five stages of grief again. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
You said no one should call you more than two times unless you’re with their kidney. I called twenty times over the past month. I guess you’re with my body? Or maybe my soul? I questioned ‘maybe I should never have said this. Maybe I should have defined the friendship. Maybe I should have arched better’
As I stare at this hey, I call bullshit on it all. You acted like you are. Tijani, you did the ghosting. I was ghosted. Boo! Ghost!
I throw my phone on the bed side stool. It has ended. Let’s all call a ghost. I know one, by name ‘self respect’. Your absence gave me a tattoo of that, he hunts me now.
Thing is I’m unconcerned about our “relations”. I’m concerned about the years of friendship we were sitting on. The teasing, the vulnerability, the lack of judgements and my belief. My belief that beyond all we were, our friendship supersede them all. That when worst came to worst, I’d all have our friendship.
I did it again. Hurt myself by overestimating my place in people’s life’s.
Tj, Let’s play this game :Ghosting the ghost. No words but I part with this. Man up!! Or don’t. Avoid me all the same.
The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are left unsaid and never explained.” — Jonathan Harnisch, Freak
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