It’s crazy how much I hold on to life but most days, I’m in a corner, rolled up weeping. This is my vulnerability, spreading myself on the line so maybe you see you have it better or there’s someone like you. Last year came with lessons and reasons. I “lived in the moment” and it hurt like a bitch. Raging from heartbreaks to anxiety attacks. I had my worst heartbreak last year. Man showed me what it means to be betrayed.
Somedays, I sit and find out I’m not a victim. I was just too lost in being found that I did not realize I was being stored in a dark room. I opened up like no other, let love in and in the end, it was all a lie. I learnt to leave a room where I’m not appreciated and shut the door behind me. If anything hurt the most about the breakup, it was that he did it and not me. I should have because it was me who stayed unhappy to make him happy. He did not deserve that. No, he did not deserve every part of myself I introduced to him.
I was a scared little bitch this year. I sat in corners, scared to open the window and let light in. But in this year more than ever, I let people in. Initially, I didn’t. I hid in shame and stayed in dark rooms but gradually, I learnt not to carry shame that is not mine. Never again! So, I let light in and I let my friends see me. Vulnerable while laughing out loud.
Was 2022 a bad year? No but it was a rough one. Hurt me like a bitch and left me to cry. Am I healed? Hell no!! I run from commitment now so I rather say, I’m more broken than I’ve ever been. But this year came with blessings I can never take for granted.
On that note, what about life makes it worth living? Curiosity at this point. What can be? What will not be? Who will be? Who will not? When? How? Where? I want to know.
2023, let’s live more.
Hair down and laughter loud.
Rather than surviving, Let us intentionally
live. 
